| Intro | | | | before you… if he’s been lazy (and Grooms |
| Ben Maffin of maffin.co.uk states that the Best | | | | are invariable when writing their speeches) he’ll |
| Man’s Speech is generally some sort of a | | | | have gone straight to the books and copied the |
| speech given after the meal at the wedding | | | | quotes. You don’t want to try and tell the same |
| reception. The reason you may wish to give one can | | | | jokes as him… they probably weren’t funny |
| be as varied as the friendship, love, respect, a | | | | the first time, second time round you’ll drop like |
| celebration of life or just because you want to | | | | a lead balloon. |
| recount the good times. | | | | |
| | | | | Structure |
| In many respects writing a Best Man’s Speech is | | | | As with all speeches and writing in general the |
| similar to writing a good eulogy at a funeral. There | | | | structure is key to successfully communicating what |
| are certain simple ground rules which you want to | | | | you want to say. Generally everything has a start, |
| either do or avoid. Of course, once you’re on | | | | middle and an end. This may seem obvious but if you |
| your feet in front of the audience there’s | | | | consider how this affects what you need to say and |
| nothing stopping you from saying what you like – | | | | when, it is a great help. |
| but bear in mind other people’s feelings. It’s | | | | |
| a lot more gratifying having someone tell you how | | | | Sometimes actually getting started is the hardest |
| lovely the speech was, than getting something horrid | | | | part of the whole process and having these three |
| off your chest. | | | | ‘idea bins’ (start, middle and end) to pop |
| | | | | thoughts into make it a lot easier. |
| What to do | | | | |
| Be nice; consider what you are writing as a | | | | The Start |
| celebration of the Groom or his achievements. Think | | | | The start of any speech should set the tone of how |
| about the audience and the person who is getting | | | | the rest of the piece is to be delivered. This could |
| married (and who they are marrying)! | | | | include a somber start or even a joke. Just |
| | | | | remember to try and get the tone right for the |
| An older person will have a wealth of life behind | | | | audience you are giving the speech to. |
| them with which to draw stories whereas a younger | | | | |
| person may not have achieved as much. This is no | | | | A good starter is stating the facts. Do not be crass, |
| real obstacle when writing, as although there may be | | | | a simple line about who is getting married and why |
| few details in someone’s life you have to play | | | | you are all there is perfect (see example above for |
| with it is likely that they are a loved one or friend so | | | | my first cue card). Remember it can take a couple of |
| you may wish to talk about your POSITIVE thoughts | | | | sentences to get into the swing of a speech and |
| and feelings. | | | | keeping it simple at the beginning will help self |
| | | | | confidence. It will also mean that the audience does |
| It is important to type your notes up and save them, | | | | not have to listen to complicated ideas or stories |
| though as we will go through later you will not be | | | | from the very start. As with the reader, it can take |
| reading them verbatim (sorry, but you just | | | | the audience a few moments to tune into what you |
| can’t) as you would a eulogy. | | | | are saying. |
| | | | | |
| Keep the timing under 10 mins. No one will be listening | | | | The Middle |
| after then unless you’re a professional speaker | | | | The middle should be the major part of the Best |
| and have this down to a fine art. | | | | Man’s Speech. This is where you get to stretch |
| | | | | your metaphorical legs and deliver what you need to |
| What not to do | | | | say. By this time your easy starter will have got you |
| Be bitter. If the circumstances as to the wedding are | | | | in the groove and your audience will be listening. |
| controversial or you do not really agree with the | | | | |
| marriage do not mention this. Do not use your | | | | The Middle – Breaking it up – Narrative Linking |
| speech to get back at anyone or try and have the | | | | While the middle can be seen as the largest part of |
| last laugh. It’s just not what a Best Man’s | | | | the speech, it is still best to break up the writing into |
| Speech is for, chances are no one will thank you for | | | | easy, bite sized pieces. |
| it and your triumph will be short lived. | | | | |
| | | | | Probably the most logical way of doing this is simple |
| Do not mention other relationships, stay away from | | | | chronology. Most people’s thought processes use |
| any drug use or violent stories. | | | | a simple time line to follow events. A to B to C. Start |
| | | | | in the person’s early years and progress through. |
| If you’re not too sure what is, or is not | | | | Avoid jumping about from one time to another as |
| appropriate consider how the bride’s mother | | | | this will confuse your audience and probably you as |
| would react if you sat in her lounge and gave the | | | | you read it out. |
| speech to her one to one. I found that one really | | | | |
| worked well. | | | | There is nothing wrong in including funny stories as |
| | | | | long as they are not too rude or would offend |
| The Delivery | | | | someone. Some of the finest speeches use visual |
| You are likely to be delivering the speech from the | | | | aids (make sure they are not worth anything). A |
| top table and without a microphone (if you do have | | | | good example of this is when a bride’s father |
| a microphone make sure it is working before you | | | | was giving his speech and he told the audience that |
| start). | | | | his daughter had had a few serious relationships in |
| | | | | the past but these were behind her, and if any of |
| The key to a successful delivery for most people is | | | | her gentlemen friends in the room had house keys to |
| practice. If you’ve used any long words or those | | | | pop them in the jar at the front. |
| hard to pronounce make sure you’ve practiced | | | | |
| them aloud. Even better, leave them out and go for | | | | One by one half the men in the audience stood up |
| something else. | | | | and popped the father’s house keys in the pot. |
| | | | | |
| There is however no shame in standing in the | | | | Of course this was all staged, and the bride took it in |
| bathroom going through the speech though you | | | | very good humor but it is a perfect example of |
| should ALWAYS do it aloud. It is not good enough | | | | preparation and actions speaking louder than words. |
| simply going through it in your head, no matter how | | | | |
| much you try and kid yourself. | | | | It is possible to make up stories and fit a joke |
| | | | | around them changing the characters. |
| A big tip here is DO NOT GET DRUNK before making | | | | |
| the speech. It’s okay to have one drink, but | | | | By using other people and linking in this way you will |
| save any heavy sessions until after you’ve | | | | find it will open up a larger wealth of stories and |
| finished. | | | | situations which you can talk about. |
| | | | | |
| The Delivery Notes | | | | The End |
| The BEST Best Man’s Speeches are delivered | | | | This is the time to wind down the stories and end on |
| without reading off an A4 piece of paper. Do not | | | | a positive note. ALWAYS end on a positive note. |
| read them verbatim – this is what school children | | | | Why? Because the end is usually the bit people |
| do. No matter how nervous you are reading word | | | | remember. It is the bit they will have in their minds |
| for word makes you look nervous and your audience | | | | when you sit down and it is the bit they will |
| will respect you less. | | | | associate you with. |
| | | | | |
| Always TYPE up your notes in full before the event | | | | This means keep it short, to the point and… you |
| though just in case. Double line spaced in case you | | | | guessed it positive. |
| HAVE to read them out. | | | | |
| | | | | Round off the end of the Best Man’s Speech |
| Ideally you want to use ‘cue’ cards which | | | | with a toast, “To the Bride and Groom”. Sit |
| you will have hand written. Make sure the text is | | | | back and lap up the applause and if you’re lucky |
| large enough to read from arms length. Remember | | | | (or not depending what they look like) the attention |
| that you will probably be stressed enough as it is | | | | of the bridesmaids. |
| without the added pressure of trying to find your | | | | |
| place on a densely compacted narrative, or even | | | | Pulling it All Together |
| worse notes you cannot read. | | | | There are very few people who can write a speech |
| | | | | in one draft. It usually takes LOTS of drafts and in |
| An example of a cue card I have used is located in | | | | many ways it is good to take a bit longer. Try and |
| this link. They are Concord Ruled Record Cards 5 x | | | | leave the speech for a few days before returning to |
| 3” | | | | it with fresh eyes. This way you will be able to see if |
| | | | something does not flow right or make sense. |
| Do no rush the Best Mans Speech. There is never | | | | Sometimes it is advisable to read your piece in front |
| any rush. Take your time standing up when the MC | | | | of a confidant. This is a matter of personal choice. It |
| introduces you, take your time getting your notes | | | | can be quite hard to do but excellent practice! |
| out and pause before starting. I would also look at | | | | |
| your audience before starting as well, as it will | | | | Remember to take criticism on the chin if you go |
| connect you with them. | | | | down this route. It’s not easy. |
| | | | | |
| Always have three copies of your notes. One inside | | | | Conclusion |
| a jacket pocket, one inside a trouser pocket (or | | | | Maffin.co.uk reminds the reader that writing a Best |
| handbag) and one with a member of the audience | | | | Man’s Speech should be fun and it is a fairly |
| who’s close by and will not give any of the | | | | simple affair if you follow a structured approach. It |
| delivery away and spoil the surprise. | | | | can be enlightening and the reason I have written this |
| | | | | is because the Best Man’s Speech I wrote gave |
| Sitting Down and Actually Writing | | | | me a great deal of satisfaction after seeing the |
| This sounds like a weird thing to say, but until you | | | | smiling faces of those I read it to. It also gave the |
| start writing the speech you won’t actually have | | | | audience something to consider and an easier opener |
| a speech. Sit down a good few months before the | | | | to talk to people I didn’t know afterwards. |
| wedding and start drafting. It’s boring but do it. | | | | |
| Try and find somewhere quiet where you cannot be | | | | Lastly it is worth remembering that by the time it is |
| distracted by a TV or Xbox 360 (I used the library). | | | | your turn to give the Best Man’s Speech most |
| | | | | of the guests will have had a tummy full of food and |
| Avoid using too many cliché quotes and steer clear | | | | wine. They’ll be in the mood for a laugh and |
| of Best Man Speech books. Chances are half the | | | | probably will not treat you too harshly if you get |
| people in the room will have heard the jokes from | | | | something wrong… and if you do it’s not the |
| previous weddings, and remember the Groom speaks | | | | end of the world. |